Funny thing about trying to remain present, you suddenly cue in to all this beauty around you. All the this that you missed before because you were busy worrying about the shoulds and shouldn'ts of the past and the future. The core of electric current is suddenly and decidedly powered on when you are in the present. It's kind of like trying to see with your eyes closed - you are forced to use your other senses. You notice things you didn't before. You realize that they were always there. And you are grateful.
Last night I went to the most amazing show. Theatre Rusticle is touring this show. I had the utmost privilege of seeing not only the show, but also seeing and reconnecting with the very lovely Lucy who plays the venerable ship, as it were, in April 14, 1912. And as it happens, Lucy and I go way back. Her sister was one of my best friends the last few years of high school. Seeing Lucy perform was an emotional and deeply gratifying thing. Being present in the moment last night, I saw such beauty, such grace, such primal power - instinct and memory and power. Last night I saw dreams realized. Last night I saw poetry danced. And it reminded me that I miss painting because, much like Rusticle dances poetry, I paint sounds. That's what I do. That's what I have forgotten.
And if I hadn't been present I never would have picked up on that. I would have been too busy worrying about shoulds and shouldn'ts. I would have ignored the persistent itch to hold a brush and find the movement in the music and translate it into colour and texture, shape and form. And I would have missed the chance to remember what I want.
I am having a terrible time being present these days. I need to disconnect to reconnect, I think.
Posted by: Evolving | April 15, 2010 at 04:18 AM
Honey you write so poetically. This is Sarah's sister Lucy.....it took me a minute. I am glad your inner life is opening up for, bless you for being you. MD
Posted by: Monica | August 21, 2010 at 10:19 AM