The Fabricated Goddess

Lexicon

Scene: at dinner with the family.

Me: I'd like to write a post about the lexicon that we use as a family.

Erin: Like what?

Me: Well you know like congraduation and spellebrations.

Erin:  You've already blogged about crotchular.  We don't have that many words we've made up.

Finn:  Wait, I have one!  Spaghedulation.

Erin:  Spaghedulation?  Like spaghetti and schedule?

Me:  You just made that up right now didn't you?

Finn:  It's good though right?

Erin:  Fecal dust!  that's definitely one of our isms.

Me:  Oh boy.

The Return....

Are you ready for it?  

Yes.  Yes, you are.  

The return of 'conversations with my son'. 

 

Ethan:  So, let me get this straight, if I decide to be a lawyer when I grow up, I get to negotiate all day?

Me: Yes, you learn the laws and then use them to form an argument that supports your clients case.

Ethan: Neehhh-go-sheee-ate.

Me: Um, yes.  Your favourite thing to do and you could get paid to do it for other people.

Ethan:  And do lawyers get paid a lot?

Me: Yes.

Ethan:  Wait, one question, do I still get paid if I lose the case?

Me: Yes, for the hours you work but you won't get the bonus you'd get if you won the case and got to keep some of the money the judge would award your client.

Ethan:  Mum, mum, look at me.  

Me:  <looking>

Ethan:  Can you see the dollar signs in my eyes.

Me: ...

 

Reading Lessons.....

Me: Okay remember this one?

Finn: tthhhhh, oh! it's!

Me: Good, Finny! Hey, when did you learn to read?

Finn: I dunno.

Me: Well, you are reading me the story tonight. Let keep going.

"It's your birthday present" says Clifford.

Okay, Finn, this ones a little harder, try it.

t.h.a.n.k.

Finn: .....

Me: (waiting)

Finn: (staring hard) .....

Me: It's okay to just try. You know the sounds that the letters make.

Finn: ffffuCK. F**k!

Me: Nope, that's not it.

Finn: ffff**k, that's a funny word.

Me: Yes, it is.

Finn: F**k.

Me: It's also a really bad word that we don't say. (oh liar!)

Finn: It is? What does it mean.

Me: Well, you know (f**k) how (f**k) sometimes you say 'freaking'? (f**ker)

Finn: Yeah.

Me: Well, it's (f**k) sort of a really (F**K) REALLY bad way of saying 'freaking' and if kids say that word, they will get in big BIG trouble. (f**k f**k) Especially if they say it at school. (dear God let him believe me!)

Finn: Okay, well, I won't say 'f**k' then, especially not at school.

Me: You probably (f**k) shouldn't say it at all.

Finn: f**k, it sounds weird, eh Mama? f**k f**k f**k f**kity f**k f**k.

Me: Yes it does. I'd like you to not say it anymore.....

Finn: buck, stuck, suck, muck....

Me: ...because now that we've talked about it and you know it's not appropriate if I hear you say it you will get in pretty big trouble.

Finn: Really? Like you will spank me if I say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word?

Me: Oh yes, probably about 8 (liar) times. And then I will ground you from Gamecube, Wii, the trampoline, playdates, (liar) soccer, and popsicles (LIAR) and I will probably make you drink a broccoli smoothie. (LIAR LIAR!!)

Finn: Okay, I won't say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word because I don't want to get in trouble for saying the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word. And I won't say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word at school ever.

Me: Don't say it at all. And you can call it the F-word if need to talk about it.

Finn: F-word?

Me: Yes, I'll know which 'f' word you are talking about.

Finn: Mama, I won't say the (makes an 'F' with his fingers) word.

Me: Good, now let's stop talking about it. I think we are done reading for tonight.