The Fabricated Goddess

Dear Finn....

The object of the game is to skate from one end of the rink to the other without any pucks hitting your skates.  I watch you as you do your wobble skate.  You are next to last the first few passes but you don't seem to mind.  I surprise myself by laughing out loud as you use your entire body to stop yourself against the boards.  It's a genuine laugh that is up and out of me, sailing to the ceiling, before I even realize it.  I guess we need to work on that snow-plow thing.  For now, I'm thankful that you are heavily protected.  

About the fifth time around I lose sight of you for a minute and wonder if you've been knocked out of the competition.   Then I spot you - you're picking up speed with each pass, learning how to control your body in motion.  You aren't exactly carving up the ice with finesse, but you're making improvements with a rapidity that amazes me.  

I wonder if you have been pinged by a puck and are cheating by not skating dutifully to the side to watch the other boys continue on.  For once I decide that I don't care if you are cheating.  I'm so impressed by your tenacity, your perseverance, your determination to keep going that I ignore the moral issue at hand and silently cheer you on as I watch.  

By now there are only about 6 boys left and it's clear they are all better skaters.  They are faster.  They are smoother on the ice.  And what's more, they know how to stop without using your full body technique.  You are unconcerned by this - I can tell by the way you immediately turn yourself around and make your way back to the line so that you are ready to start again when the coach blows the whistle.  

And that's when I realize, not for the first time, just how much my children are teaching me.  You are teaching me to enjoy the process of learning, to embrace the challenges that lie ahead, to keep forging forward, even when it seems like there is every reason in the world to stop. 

Once again, you are the teacher and I am the student.  I know you will not understand this now, but I hope that someday you can fathom just how much I've gained by the privilege of being your mother.  Chances are it won't be until you are sitting in the bleachers of a cold arena watching one of your own do something similar.  And when that time comes, call me.  I want to thank you properly.

Someone Please Explain To Me....

Why boys think pretending to: barf, fart, burp, etc. etc.  is funny?  And furthermore, could you please inform me when they grow out of this?   Because it's getting really old.   

And while we're at it, also, please, why?  Why do they (the big and the smalls) stand in front of a fridge full of food and declare that 'there's nothing to eat around here'?  Okay, so I exaggerate a little, the big doesn't usually complain, he just stands in front of the fridge and then silently closes it.  

But I know, I know what he's thinking.

Looking Back....

I spent some time yesterday evening transferring some of my archive from my (dot)mac account over here.  Slowly but surely I'm gaining ground on that list of things that I said was 10 miles long.   I have to admit something though, I'm a little ashamed of how many whiney 'I've been lazy, I'll get off my slacking a** and post something soon, blah-de-blah" posts there were.  People!  I don't consider myself a whiner but I sure have whined a whole bunch in the last year.  I would like to extend my humblest apologies to you, dear readers, who have continued to bravely check in.  All three of you.

I did find a few gems though.  I remembered how much I was enjoying doing the 'x365' notes.  I need to pick that up again.  And also, not surprisingly, I actually have been making stuff.  I've just been too lazy (sorry!) to actually document it.  So a little update in that department might be nice, you know, for the sake of posterity and such.

All that to say, internets?  How I have miss you!! I'm sorry I've been in such a self pitying funk.  The last year (okay two, but are really counting?) seemed to have been a low point for a variety of reasons - none of them really good ones either.  BUT, I felt the upswing start to take hold this summer.  And for the first time in a very long time, I'm feeling some hope.   

And you know what?  That really is something.

Welcome Back Brain Fuzz....

Yesterday I had two glasses of wine, wheat and dairy.

Today?  I have a fuzzy, dizzy head.  I should know better, but the crackers and cheese, they called to me people.  And I enjoyed ever bite.  Now I suffer from tilt-a-whirl head.  The joys of food allergies!   I'm just thankful I didn't break out in hives.  Or worse.

I have a list of things to do this week ten miles long.  Okay, well, maybe it's only one mile, but if feels like ten.

And I'd better get started on it or I'll never get it all done.  

More Things I Love....

Because you didn't get enough of my neurosis the first post around:

- these cool crisp fall mornings that give way to gloriously sunny and warm (!) fall afternoons.  The air just smells better.

- back to school, because for me, no matter how old I am, September is the start of all things new.

- there's a rash of newborn babies in my circle of friends lately.  I hold them and marvel at their exquisite size and their lovely new born smell and their silky hair and wonder if I appreciated my two own newborns once upon a time.  I rather think I was too confused in a haze of post-partum hormones and a cruel sense of reality to really savour all that was marvelous about them.  I hope I'm wrong, but it's all a bit of a blur at this point.

- two kids, in school, full days = bliss.  Bliss and quiet.  If you don't count the dog whining to be played with.  Of course I'm up to my ears in projects that have been put off for the last half decade or so (who's counting) - it's not like I'm enjoying actual free time.  That is to say, I'm not eating bon bons and watching my stories on the telly.

- this:

What I'm not loving?  The fact that this new typepad compose/post editor won't accept my photos. Or the fact that it won't let me change the font colour to match the rest of my blog. (Which I may have just figured out....)

Edit: Okay pictures seem to be working now - hooray for the return of the the shameless self portraits. But this font colour thing is makin' me crazy. Tune in soon for less technical difficulties, more shamelessness.

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Things I Love - The Food Edition....

I have been feeling so guilty over here for my lack of writing. I have no idea why, but it's just been the last thing I wanted to do. And yet, it's also one of the first things I want to do, too. So, yeah, I guess I'm either intriguingly complex or a totally confused mess. I'm not even going to attempt to figure out which.

So I thought I'd kick things off with a new take on my favourite things by giving you a list of my favourite foods. Right. Because your life just wasn't complete without it.

Here goes, in no particular order:

1. Bread. And I'm not talking a slice of toasted Wonder here. I mean the really great, crusty, fresh from the oven, preferably home-made good stuff. Which, sadly, I can not eat since discovering that I'm wheat intolerant. Not a full blown Celiac but on my way there. And I know, I know there are gluten-free breads out there, but have YOU tried these? These are sad substitutes. Don't even get me started.

2. Olives. Any kind, but especially really great kalamata ones.

3. Potatoes. Mashed. Fried. Baked. Roasted. Scalloped. Bring it. My all-time favourited comfort food. Just don't forget the salt and pepper. I'll even confess to liking slices of them raw. Now, I'm a little ashamed.

4. Salad. This is my lunch everyday. And not an iceberg-with-Thousand Islands type. I mean grilled-shrimp-and-avacado. Or steak-and-tomato-with-goat-cheese. Grilled-chicken-with-pear-and-feta. I make a mean salad. Ask my friends and family, I'm famous for salad. Which, now that I've written it out, seems much sadder than it really is.

5. Tofutti Totally Fudge Bars rock.my.world. Which now that I've written that out, makes me seem like a really cheap date. But seriously these are amazing. And they don't make me wish I hadn't eaten them. What's not to love. Even Erin is a convert.

6. Wine. Any kind. End of discussion. Not really a food, per se, but certainly deserves mention. Give me enough of this and you see just how much of a cheap date I am.

7. Most every vegetable. Except maybe parsnips, which are just wrong.

8. Refried beans. Even good cold to me. I can't explain it. I just love them.

9. Really, really crisp hard, sweet-tart apples. Like Gala or Crispin, or Pink Lady. So blissful.

10. Soup. I love a one dish meal. Chicken vegetable with rice? Okay! Roasted carrot and ginger? I'm in. Leek and lentil? Done. Nothing makes me feel better on a cold, grey day than a bowl of soup.

Your turn.