
I'm committing to exercise again. How many time have I done this? Too many to count. Once again I'm there, admitting that lately (read: the last year) I've been a total slacker in this department and I CAN TELL! Which can really mean only one thing - I have to get off my ass in order to lose some of it.
So for the next two weeks I'm going to double up my cardio with some sort of toning exercise and LOG IT HERE so that I am forced to actually do what I say I'm going to do. Because you know us flaky artsy types. We've got big plans, BIG plans but not a whole lotta follow through.
Ugh, I'm feeling the pain already.
On a totally different note, I saw one of my purses yesterday. I made it about 3 years ago and it was given to this lady as a gift and holy cow #1) it's still intact (relief) and #2) she still uses it all the time(!) and gets compliments on it(!!). I can't tell you why, exactly, but this thrills me. I have such a hard time knowing if what I create has any appeal. I want to believe that it does, but somehow I don't trust that it does. I don't trust that what I love others will love also. Which, I know, is ridiculous, because some people will totally find my style their cup of tea and others won't and that's okay. I don't know why I spend so much time worrying about something as subjective as personal taste. I'm dorky like that, I suppose.
Also, I realized something the last few days. I spent some time sorting fabric in my stash and getting rid of one huge ol' pile of scraps that I inherited and realized I would never use. I sent off Carley's quilt (may it float home on angel's wings) AND I saw that purse I made 3 years ago. I have this weird obsession about my paintings - I feel loathe to part with them and feel a loss for them even years and years after. I feel a very similar thing for my writing - I have this obsessive need to look at what I've done over and over. I sort of have this weird feeling that my paintings and writings aren't really mine and so if I look at them enough then maybe I'll recognize them as mine? And also, this really silly fear that I will never be able to duplicate or reproduce such work again. Like the minute I put down my paint brush I'm convinced that I could never paint like that again, and therefore it's some weird fluke that I even did it in the first place. I know, clearly I have issues. Somehow though, I don't feel that way about stuff I sew. I have obsessions about my fabric. I feel loathe to cut into certain 'gems', especially if they are vintage mostly because I don't want to waste them. I want to know that I'm using things for the right projects. Once they are done though, I'm perfectly fine letting them go. Even the quilt, which is by far the most significant and imposing project I've worked on, which would make me think that I would be supremely attached to it and yet off it goes today and I'm excited to see it go.
At least I'm aware of it I suppose. But still, kind of confounding.
Okay. Enough talk, off to exercise.