The Fabricated Goddess

Reading Lessons.....

Me: Okay remember this one?

Finn: tthhhhh, oh! it's!

Me: Good, Finny! Hey, when did you learn to read?

Finn: I dunno.

Me: Well, you are reading me the story tonight. Let keep going.

"It's your birthday present" says Clifford.

Okay, Finn, this ones a little harder, try it.

t.h.a.n.k.

Finn: .....

Me: (waiting)

Finn: (staring hard) .....

Me: It's okay to just try. You know the sounds that the letters make.

Finn: ffffuCK. F**k!

Me: Nope, that's not it.

Finn: ffff**k, that's a funny word.

Me: Yes, it is.

Finn: F**k.

Me: It's also a really bad word that we don't say. (oh liar!)

Finn: It is? What does it mean.

Me: Well, you know (f**k) how (f**k) sometimes you say 'freaking'? (f**ker)

Finn: Yeah.

Me: Well, it's (f**k) sort of a really (F**K) REALLY bad way of saying 'freaking' and if kids say that word, they will get in big BIG trouble. (f**k f**k) Especially if they say it at school. (dear God let him believe me!)

Finn: Okay, well, I won't say 'f**k' then, especially not at school.

Me: You probably (f**k) shouldn't say it at all.

Finn: f**k, it sounds weird, eh Mama? f**k f**k f**k f**kity f**k f**k.

Me: Yes it does. I'd like you to not say it anymore.....

Finn: buck, stuck, suck, muck....

Me: ...because now that we've talked about it and you know it's not appropriate if I hear you say it you will get in pretty big trouble.

Finn: Really? Like you will spank me if I say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word?

Me: Oh yes, probably about 8 (liar) times. And then I will ground you from Gamecube, Wii, the trampoline, playdates, (liar) soccer, and popsicles (LIAR) and I will probably make you drink a broccoli smoothie. (LIAR LIAR!!)

Finn: Okay, I won't say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word because I don't want to get in trouble for saying the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word. And I won't say the-word-I-just-learned-that's-a-bad-word at school ever.

Me: Don't say it at all. And you can call it the F-word if need to talk about it.

Finn: F-word?

Me: Yes, I'll know which 'f' word you are talking about.

Finn: Mama, I won't say the (makes an 'F' with his fingers) word.

Me: Good, now let's stop talking about it. I think we are done reading for tonight.

I Want....

One of these.

Today....

Today I was able to see a project - a BIG project - come full circle. From inspiration to creation, from purpose and process to completion. And for a prolific starter like me this is no small milestone. The quilt that I have been working on for my late friend's wee daughter is done. I took it to the M.O.M.s group that Susan and I both attended, both served on leadership team, both loved, laughed and cried and in general did life together. With the help of these dear ladies the binding was joined to the back of the quilt and it was finally, at long last (insert heavy sigh of relief here) DONE.

I am ever mindful of the gift I've been given: these eyes that see in fabric and paint, these hands that are still willing to learn new skills, this brain that is capable of sorting out the how of this project. I spent long hours thinking about how to approach this one, the weight of it ever on my shoulders and in my heart. I simply didn't want to make a mess of this. And I thought of Susan every step of the way. Of her humour and her heart. Of her willingness to lend a hand. Of the pain - very real and often severe pain - that she bore without a single word never mind a complaint. Of her love for Carley, the miracle she never thought she'd have because of her illness. All this I thought of and never once touched this project without uttering a simple prayer God, you know who this is for and what it means. Guide me and guard it.

A huge thank you to everyone who helped take apart Susan's clothing and who sewed along with me today, who cheered me on every step of the way. Thank you for having faith in me even when I doubted I couldn't bring this home. And most of all thank you to Carley and Spencer who trusted me with Susan's most favorite outfits (those Ikeda overalls!!). I hope it was worth the wait.

This Or That....

I prefer circles and squares over trinagles and diamonds.

Apples over oranges, skirts over shorts, dogs over cats.

I prefer cooking over cleaning and showers over baths.

Swear words with flair over crudeness.

Brunette over blond.

And sunshine.

You?

Balance....

I'm still struggling to find the balance around here between all the parts of me. The me that homeschools E. The me that need to maintain some semblance of order around the house. The me that need to be attentive to the needs of not just the wee people and wee pup but also the grown up in the house too. The me who's creative synapses are firing in a million different directions right now. The me who is actually producing some amazing stuff.

The problem I'm still having though is that when that me who creates and invents takes over it's a little bit like the Bugs Bunny cartoon where he drinks the potion and becomes Jekyll and Hyde. I feel a little beastly right now. I'm knee deep in a project that needs to be completed by Tuesday and it's going well. I'm so pleased with it. Resentment is mounting though. I mean, when I'm on a roll, I don't even like to stop to eat or go to the bathroom. People, I resent bodily functions when I'm in this state. I mean, how ridiculous is that? It's like I'm temporarily inserted into a manic state, and let me tell you, it's not really all that fun for me or my family. Yesterday I showered (novel idea) and I was in such a rush that I forgot to put on deodorant. And that's not the worst part. The worst part is that I realized I hadn't put any on and I chose to ignore the fact based on the fact that stopping what I was doing and trekking back upstairs would be too much a waste of precious time. I'm starting to understand why some artist are such social misfits (read: total nutters).

The rest of my life is falling apart too. The kids and the dog and the adults in my life have been sadly neglected. The house? Oh the house. It's a disaster. The laundry has sneaked off and multiplied itself under my very nose. The clutter has crept back in. There are (and I kid you not) fabric scraps tracked through the whole house. I keep finding them absolutely everywhere.

I think I need to stop reading blogs like Soulemama and Angry Chicken. These women! I love their blogs (and their work) truly, I do. Problem is they seemingly do it all. Their blogs are full of lovely photos depicting happy children doing crafts (!) and project updates and beautiful studios with stacks of neatly folded fabric on display and recipes for actual food they serve their family and (AND!!) they write books. Beautiful books all while nurturing their families, sewing things for their shops, photographing every lovely moment. Don't they ever have meltdowns? Don't they ever serve grilled cheese with carrot sticks and apple slices for dinner again? Don't they ever look around and want to scream at the piles of project and the long list of other demands? Don't they ever scream and have to apologize after? Is the sun always shining in their world? Maybe it's all just carefully edited. Maybe they are just as nutters as me from time to time. But clearly, peaking into their worlds is not helping me cope with mine.

Here's what I need. I need to find some real mama craft blogs where after a day of harried sewing/cooking/cleaning/fight-breaking-upping they sit slightly slumped and glassy eyed on a couch full of unfolded laundry and drink a glass of wine before shuffling into bed, which for the record, is unmade.

Still Working Out The Kinks....

Okay. So I know I know I said I was going to wait until my other big project was done before I did this, but I just couldn't help myself. And AND?! Do you know what I was able to do? hmmmm?? I figured out (read: followed instructions - who knew they could be so helpful) how to transfer all my old blog archives over here with comments and pictures intact. Now I just have to copy over all my most recent posts from the old 'new' blog (that hardly anyone could access it would seem ) and we are current and up to date.

So this site is not fully developed yet, but it's a start. I've decided to go live with this right away, rather than mess around any longer than necessary with the cross over stuff. When the mood strikes, as they say.

Goodbye .Mac, iWeb and integrated iPhoto (now that makes me want to cry) hello Typepad.

test post

test.....

test 2

And Now...

How have I gotten so far off the beaten path around here? I mean the last three months I’ve offered up nothing more than a bunch of dusty posts about how I haven’t been posting with one errant crotchular area reference in the mix. I have failed you, dear readers, as I’ve always aimed at being slightly more
entertaining than that. I can tell by the lack of comments combined with my site traffic that this blog has become the equivalent of talking to myself. And Internets? I’m just not okay with that.

So, I was thinking, we should get back to regularily scheduled programming. You know, for a change. I’ve decided that today heralds the return of Words I Love. I know, let the celebration commence.

acetylsalicylic: Yes, as in acetylsalicylic acid or aspirin. I have absolutely no idea why I like this word, other than I like the rhythm of it, a-seat-al-cylic. It has a cadence to it that appeals to me and I think maybe a little bit intrigues me because it’s a chemical name so, there’s that bit of irony.
bambozzle: I want to make it clear that I never use this word. Does anyone use this word? Probably not, but there it is in my Concise (1454 pgs!) Oxford Dictionary, bold as brass. Again, I just like the way this one rolls out and it can be used as an adjective, noun, and a verb. I imagine that if I ever were to actually use this word I’d be tempted to employ all it’s usages at once: Can you believe it? That bamboozling bamboozler tried to bamboozle me?
acquiesce: I realize that this word is simply a fancy way of saying ‘agree with’ or ‘accept’ but I like to imagine - since this IS my blog - that this is some fancy word for some special drink from antiquity. As in: Bring us a decanter of our finest acquiesce. Our guests have need of quenching their thirst. Either that, or I’ve been watching too much Rome.

It’s not much, I realize, but it’s better than nothing. I’m trying to figure out how to get my writing sparkle back. I just haven’t been feeling it lately. Second guessing everything I write and then (usually) deciding that it’s not worth putting up and deleting the posts. I’m feeling sluggish in so many areas of my life right now, and I’m not sure that I can even identify why. For now, at least I posted. I’m going to try really hard not to let such a space lagg between posts because somehow that just makes it so much harder to get back on the wagon again. I have a ‘two day’ rule for excercising (not more than two days off) maybe I should start applying that to this blog.

Overdue....

I have been trying for over a week now to update this stinking blog. I’ve drafted no less than three posts only to close my iWeb without publishing or saving them because they’ve all been shit. I could say how busy I’ve been, or that I’ve had a mental block about what to write, or that life got in the way. And while all of that is true, it’s also true that I just didn’t have the patience to sit down and really put my thoughts out. I’ve been thinking about how to redesign this site also, as I’ve had many complaints about how slow it is to load up. I have done all the requisite research and can come up with only that because of all the photos, and furthermore because I cannot for the life of me find where to compress their size, this site is super duper slow and will remain so unless I redesign somewhere else. Which frankly makes me want to cry because this site took weeks to design and the thought of starting over? Gah!

So, I’m looking at other options, and trying to figure out if I can salvage this site. Not to mention still working on a bajillion other project....getting closer to being done some of them. Yes, some.

Sigh.